Standings Before Episode 7

David & Mary in first place Peter & Sarah eliminated David & Mary: (Team Number 1) Well lookie, lookie! From the back of the pack, to leading the pack. Nicely done! Now, these two may not be my favorite personalities in the race, but I think they are certainly one of the most deserving of the prize... so it's nice that they get a view from the top for once. They couldn't have got there without the help of Ed/God, but at least they know it, and are happy to give them credit for their good fortune. I don't know if these guys will be able to maintain their position, but they've certainly been given a nice head start. Let's see what they can do with it. Dustin & Kandice: (Team Number 2) Well, these two got lost, didn't initially complete the Road Block task correctly, and STILL came in second place. These girls are hungry for it, and are surprising more than a few of the other teams. They're in it for themselves, that's for sure... not working with any other teams, and not even being that friendly with anyone else. But it's getting results. So why fix what ain't broken? Rob & Kimberly: (Team Number 3) What's this? Are these two actually starting to work well together, and treat each other nicely? Who knew? I was convinced that this couple was on the fast track to self-destruction, but they've actually started to hit a bit of a stride with one another, and it's certainly showing by their stronger finishes. Let's just hope they don't have to return to a pearl farm in Vietnam anytime soon. Lyn & Karlyn: (Team Number 4) These ladies continue to surprise me. They are still in the hunt, and not even bringing up the rear which I thought that they would. They've lucked into having two other good teams look out for them, and I'm not sure they would have got as far without their help. But even individually, this team is strong and stubborn, and they haven't even considered giving up. If there is a big physical challenge coming up, it may really impact them... but they've managed to weather everything that's been thrown at them so far, so they may just plug along right to the end. Erwin & Godwin: (Team Number 5) Okay, who doesn't want these brothers to win the big prize after tonight's episode? They genuinely think of others before themselves, putting themselves at a huge risk by giving David & Mary a chance at the fast forward, and even helping point Kar/Lyn towards the right shop in that maze of merchants. These guys are just truly good people, and aren't putting it on for the show. Their parents must be so proud! Tyler & James: (Team Number 6) These guys have to be in a panic after finishing next to last two times in a row. They seem to be one of the strongest teams, but that just goes to show you there are all kinds of factors that can make you successful, or knock you right out, in this race. Hopefully they can bounce back from these two bad legs, and get things turned around next time. I'd hate to see these guys go home.

A Study in Contrasts

First of all, let’s all give a joyous “Hallelujah” to celebrate that Stupid Peter is out of the race! It’s just sweet to say, isn’t it? Man… this guy is just like nails on a chalkboard (kids, that’s what old folks used to use before these newfangled white boards started showing up). There wasn’t a thing about him that wasn’t grating and irritating. Let’s take for example his tendency to shove all the difficult and challenging physical tasks on to his girlfriend WITH ONE LEG. I mean, what kind of man is that? What kind of man wants to be a man like that? “Hey, Sarah, why don’t you go scale that 50-ft rock, while I sit her and nap in the boat? Hey, Sarah, why don’t you scale the outside of that skyscraper while I lay her in the shade? What, someone has to sit through driving school, and then drive a car around the block? Hey, I’ll do that! But first, let me check my look in the rear-view mirror… because I am one handsome man!” Peter is just plain Ick. And we can only hope that Sarah learns a little something from all this. Just because you only have one leg, doesn’t mean you deserve to have to put up with an ass like that! My gosh, he’s the defective one, not you. I loved Peter’s puzzled look when after the elimination, Sarah was finally telling us how she really felt about him after experiencing life with him 24/7 while on the race. “He isn’t very nurturing or kind.” Well, yah… that’s the understatement of the year. “I’m looking for someone that is caring and compassionate. Peter… is not the person for me.” Yep. And thanks to CBS, he’s not gong to be the person for any other woman in America either. On the other hand, we have the brothers Cho: Edwin and Godwin. Could either of these guys have been any nicer? You know, you often hear tales of people being selfless, and really putting the needs and interests of others before themselves… but you rarely see it. But these two were just unwaveringly generous. They gave up going for the Fast Forward, to give Mary & David a clear shot… even though it put them square in last place. And you know what? They just knew it was the right thing to do. Yeah, they were concerned they were going to be eliminated… but it didn’t consume them. They did there thing, and then had the good fortune of finding a police officer willing to direct them and give them a police escort to their new location. That Karma… she’s a sweetie. And these guys have been consistently kind and grounded throughout the entire race. They have taken the time to appreciate all that they’ve been able to do and see, and the potential check at the end of this all doesn’t seem to figure into it as much as you would think it would. They are truly treasuring the experience, and will get more out of this than any of the teams, no matter how it all ends. Yeah, I know… it sounds sappy. But I’m truly impressed by these two. I was so happy that they stayed and Stupid Peter went home. I was all befuddled and irritated last week when Peter & Sarah were at the top of the pack, when they so clearly did not deserve to be there. I should have had more faith in the Race Karma. She tends to get it right before the final finish line. The winner SHOULD be... Despite what team may actually win, if you were in control, which team would you give the million to? David & Mary Dustin & Kandice Rob & Kimberly Lyn & Karlyn Erwin & Godwin Tyler & James Current Results

Standings Before Episode 6

Peter & Sarah in first place David & Mary marked for elimination Peter & Sarah: (Team Number 1) Arrrrgh! It’s bad enough that these two don’t get eliminated, but why do they keep coming in first? Peter is such an ass, and blind to it completely. He drags Sarah through every step, and this damn habit of them finishing at the front of the pack is only going to encourage him to continue on with his self-centered ways. I feel so bad for Sarah. The only good news is that she is beginning to see what an ass Peter is as well. She had the good fortune of giving their relationship a nice test run in an environment that has surfaced all of his crappy qualities… and if things continue on this way, she’ll end the experience with a cool half a mill, and the wisdom that Peter is NOT the right guy to plan a future with. Dustin & Kandice: (Team Number 2) Well, these girls have kicked it into full competitive gear, and they’re not afraid to step on any toes to try and win this thing. Anyone that thinks these to are going to be quiet and demure and easy to beat, haven’t been paying attention. However, they don’t have to be nasty at every available opportunity. There isn’t a leg that goes by now that they don’t cut in front of someone or get downright rude with another team. By all means, ladies… go for the win. But there are other teams out there that want it just as bad, but aren’t acting as badly. Rob & Kimberly: (Team Number 3) Ack. Another of the not-so-nice teams finishing towards the top. This season is not exactly giving lessons in “good guys finish first”. They did seem to keep their squawking to a minimum this time around, so maybe the fact that Phil actually spoke to them about their mean behavior at the end of last leg embarrassed them into being nicer. It was a good move to team up with James & Tyler. Unfortunately they did it on the one leg that James & Tyler seemed to be a bit off their game. Well, we’ll see how they continue to do. I imagine the yelling and screaming will return if they start dropping further back in the pack. Erwin & Godwin: (Team Number 4) Now, this is a nice team. Two nice guys that play well with others, and don’t forget to appreciate the fantastic opportunity that they’ve been handed. I wish they were a little closer to the top. They certainly are capable, but they need to find a source of fire for their competitive spirit to challenge some of the other nasties for the top spots. Regardless, this is one team that is just happy to be here, and will enjoy the ride no matter where they end up. Teams 1 through 3 – pay attention! You could learn something here. Of course, then you might not be one of the top 3 teams anymore… but you’d be enjoying yourself more. Lyn & Karlyn: (Team Number 5) These two ladies just don’t give up, do they? They aren’t the sweetest of the teams, they aren’t the smartest of the teams, and they certainly aren’t the most physical of the teams… but they just keep trudging through leg after leg, and don’t seem to really be slowing down. Whatever it is that keeps pushing them through is keeping them focused… and they’ve figured out an important strategy: it doesn’t matter how many teams finish in front of you, as long as there is still at least one finishing behind you. They can make it leg after leg as long as they stay ahead of just one team each time… and they seem to be able to manage that. Tyler & James: (Team Number 6) These two were more than a little surprised to discover they finished so far back in the pack. That’s what you get for playing with sand, guys. NEVER take the challenge that is slow and detail-oriented. You two could wrestle crocodiles in your sleep, so I don’t get why you didn’t automatically go for the more physical of the choices. Well, I imagine you won’t make that mistake again. Let this bad finish shake you up a bit, and get you more fired up for next leg. We need a couple of good guys like you to stick around to offset some of the nastiness in the top three teams. David & Mary: (Team Number 7) Ooooooooh! You two are SO lucky! Welcome to the first non-elimination leg. It couldn’t have come at a better time for these two. Mary can sure be damn stubborn about deciding what these two are going to do. It almost cost them the race when she wouldn’t even consider the crocodile task, and insisted on the long, laborious sand design task instead. I’m glad to see these guys still here, they’ve kind of grown on me. But I’m not sure they be able to bounce back from the penalty they’ll get next week if they don’t pull of some kind of miracle and come in first.

Crocodile Tails and Wild Rice

Well, let’s do a quick recap of the last episode, shall we? Our intrepid travelers discover that their next port of call will be Chennai, India. They must take a train from the pit stop to Hanoi, and then due to Vietnamese law that prevents airline tickets from being sold at the airport, the teams must find a travel agency to buy tickets to India. Although the teams all leave at staggered start times, they all arrive at the train station to discover they will be on the same train to Hanoi. (Are we surprised? No, we are not.) During the train ride, Er/God, Kar/Lyn, and the Kentuckies decide to work together. They all share a map, and try and determine which travel agent is the closest to the train station, and make a plan of attack for when they arrive in Hanoi. Stupid Peter feels left out. He approaches the three teams, and offers to share information… because of course he is an all-knowing god, and implies that he know the best travel agent to go to. Before the teams can even reply, Stupid Peter walks off towards the next train car. There he finds the Beauties, and tattles to them that the other three teams are working together. Because he too wants to know what it’s like to have other teams wanting to work with him, he tells the Beauties that they should work together too. More in an effort to appease him and make him go away, they agree. Stupid Peter feels smug, and returns to Sarah to share the good news… that the Beauties totally want to work with him, and it is yet another example of how great and admired he is. In the meantime, the Beauties wonder why the heck he wants to work with them, and figure it must be because he likes one of them – because of course in their experience, all guys like them. On his way back to where Sarah is sitting, Peter stops by the three teams again, and asks them if they want to share information. Kar/Lyn says sure… and Stupid Peter smugly walks away without saying anything. The three teams decide to screw with Stupid Peter, and pull out a non-operational cell phone and pretend to call a travel agent and reserve tickets over the phone. Stupid Peter immediately jumps up and runs back to the Beauties to tell on them. He finds a passenger sitting near the Beauties and asks if he can borrow a cell phone. He then uses the fully operational cell phone to actually book airline tickets for real. Hmmm… that whole little trick kind of backfired on you, didn’t it guys? The train arrives in Hanoi, and teams scramble every which way to locate travel agents and buy tickets. After all their planning, Ed/God, Kar/Lyn, and the Kentuckies end up getting separated, and then discover that the travel agency they planned to go to on the train has actually moved location… and they all end up having to find tickets on the fly anyway. The Beauties and Sarah & Stupid Peter go and pick up their tickets, but end up getting a flight that will leave behind all of the other teams. Rob & Kimberly and the Models find and agency together, and end up getting the earliest flight out. Once they arrive at the airport, the teams begin to discover that the best flight to get on is the same flight that the Models and Rob & Kimberly have booked. Ed/God have the same tickets from their agency, Kar/Lyn are able to change theirs, however the Kentuckies are not. The Kentuckies get a different flight, while Sarah & Stupid Peter and the Beauties decide to stay with their tickets, and try and get a faster connecting flight at their first stop. While waiting for the various flights to board, Sarah & Stupid Peter and the Beauties grab a bite. While sitting there, Stupid Peter launches into a mean imitation of the Kentuckies, while they are within earshot. Stupid Peter is awful… even Sarah is beginning to think so. (Oh my heck, woman… it’s about time!!) Flights begin taking off. Sadly, wouldn’t you know it… Stupid Peter & Sarah and the Beauties ARE able to find a faster connecting flight. So even thought they were the last teams to leave Hanoi, they are the first teams to arrive in Chennai. Man, I hate how this show ends up working out for the teams that don’t deserve it, don’t you? Once in Chennai, the teams are told to find an arts and crafts shop in Mallomar (or something like that). The Beauties are the first to arrive at Mallomar, but are forced to wait for the shop to open. Stupid Peter and Sarah arrive shortly after. When the shop opens, they receive their next clue and find out, it’s Detour time!! This time, they have to choose between Wild Things, and Wild Rice: In Wild Things, they have to don pajamas, and search through the forest to find out where the wild things are. Oh no, wait a minute… that’s my favorite children’s book. Nevermind. They have to help some crocodile wranglers move a miniature, docile, couldn’t-hurt-a-fly crocodile from one habitat to another. In Wild Rice, they have to figure out how come every time you buy wild rice at the store, it always comes packaged with brown rice. Oh fine… no they don’t. They have to fill in some gigantinormous chalk-lined design on the scotching hot ground with different colored rice to match the design exactly as given to them on a picture. But I do wonder about that wild rice thing. The Beauties and Sarah & Stupid Peter decide to do Wild Things. Stupid Peter & Sarah arrive first, thanks to a flat tire suffered by the Beauties taxi. Stupid Peter & Sarah have to put bands around the crocodile’s snout. Peter need not bother, because that crocodile can smell that he’s full of sh*t, and wouldn’t ever bite him anyway. Regardless, Stupid Peter once again just takes the position of ordering Sarah around and making her do it. After it is snout-bound, the crocodile is tied to a stretcher, and the wranglers, with Sarah & Stupid Peter’s help, move it to it’s new home, having to crawl over a wall in the process. While crawling over the wall, Stupid Peter snaps at Sarah to “Come on, sister!” We wish the crocodile would snap at Stupid Peter’s pretty face and mark him up a bit. Too mean? Well, I don’t like Stupid Peter. Anyway, as much as we hate to see it, Stupid Peter finishes the task along with Sarah, and once again is sitting in first place. (heavy sigh) Their next clue tells them to take a bus back to Chennai, and locate a driving school. They rush to the bus stop, and just miss the first bus. Stupid Peter immediately turns on Sarah and tells her it’s her fault because she was so slow. Man, I hate Stupid Peter. Sarah just about breaks down, and Stupid Peter decides to toy with her more by calmly stating that he’ll just not trying so hard, since she can’t keep up. He goes on to say that it’s not important, and it should just be about having fun. Sarah tells Stupid Peter that she’s not having any fun. These two make my stomach hurt. Meanwhile, the Beauties transport a crocodile, and catch up with Sarah & Stupid Peter at the bus stop. You can tell that Stupid Peter is pissed at slow Sarah all over again. At the same time, Er/God and the Kar/Lyn have arrived at the Detour and decided to do Wild Rice. They step out onto the scorching ground, do just enough to realize what a long miserable task this will be, and quickly decide to go crocodile wrestling instead. In the meantime, Rob and Kimberly have arrived and decided to do Wild Things. As Er/God and Kar/Lyn leave Wild Rice, the Models and the Kentuckies both decide to do Wild Rice. On the other side of town, Stupid Peter & Sarah are the first to arrive at the driving school, and discover a Road Block. One team member must attend a driving school course, and then pass a driving test. Since it requires no physical effort, Stupid Peter of course offers to do it. He finishes the task, and gets their last clue that tells them to drive their driving-school car to the pit stop. They head off on their way. In the meantime, the Beauties have arrived, and dive into the Road Block themselves. Back with the crocodiles, Rob & Kimberly, Ed/God, and Kar/Lyn, transport their crocodiles and head off to the driving school. In the meantime, the Models and the Kentuckies are taking an impossibly long time filling in their designs with wild rice. Really guys… you should abandon this and go do the crocodile thing. Trust me. Stupid Peter and Sarah arrive at the Pit Stop and check in first. I curse under my breath. The Beauties check in shortly after. Rob & Kimberly, Ed/God, and Kar/Lyn all complete their driving lessons, and drive on to the pitstop. They check in as teams three, four, and five respectively. The Models finally finish their design, race off to driving school, and make their way to the pit stop. They check in fifth, and are all shocked by their late finish. However, they are not last. That position is held securely by the Kentuckies, who after spending way too much time on the rice design, complete the driving school in the dark, and then finally arrive at the Pit Stop. They are sad and beaten, and awaiting the confirmation that they have been eliminated. But… what’s this…? Phil regrets to tell them that they are the last team to arrive… but they have NOT been eliminated. This is one of those non-elimination legs. But this time around, instead of handing all of their belongings and money over, they are told that they can keep their things… but they have been “Marked for Elimination.” Hmmm… what does this mean? Well, I’m glad you asked. This means, that at the end of the next leg, if the Kentuckies do not arrive first, they will be assessed a 30 minute penalty. Well now, that’s interesting. Will it have an impact? I guess we’ll just have to wait until next time to find out.

Standings Before Episode 5

Rob & Kimberly in first place Tom & Terry eliminated Rob & Kimberly: (Team Number 1) Wow. Despite the fact these two almost tore each other’s heads off while trying to pull up those oyster baskets, they made it as team number 1? I’m not quite sure how that happened, but it was definitely a surprise. Do these two even like each other??? I mean, if Phil is asking how you’re getting along when you check in at the pit stop, that’s a bad sign. That means you better call friends and family before the show airs to let them know that the footage they have of you is going to be less than flattering. Well… congrats R&K. You give hope to bickering couples everywhere… as long as they aspire to be horribly nasty to one another on national TV. Peter & Sarah: (Team Number 2) Now you know that Peter is such an ass, that the production crew is happy to edit everything he does and says in the worst light possible. But the thing is… how can they not when he gives them so much material to work with? He makes Sarah do all of the hardest, most physical challenges possible… and then whines like a baby any time he has to exert himself in anyway. He snaps at her if she’s doing anything but praising him and telling him how great he is… and she’s doing WAY too much of that. This guy needs some sense and some humility knocked into him hard… preferably in the form of a crushing defeat as a result of something he screws-up. Please, please, PLEASE don’t let this team win. Sarah will be fine, all the networks will love to chat with her. But Peter… he needs no more air time, no big prize money, no teams waiting and cheering for him at the finish line. He needs to go home and watch this on TV, and see how the rest of us have seen him all season. Tyler & James: (Team Number 3) Strong and steady Tyler and James, they just keep plugging along. These two are a good balance, and seem to be taking this all in stride. Maybe they really did gain some perspective from the experiences they had… because nothing that they are running into seems to really phase them too much. They’re still my top pick by a wide margin. Erwin & Godwin: (Team Number 4) These guys just keep plodding along. They didn’t finish in the first spot this time around, but they are another team that works well together and that really supports one another. These two stay calm… all the time. That is a big difference between them and most of the other teams. They don’t snap at each other, and don’t let the stress of an individual moment get them off track. Unless there is an unfortunate “lost taxi driver” incident, I imagine these two will be one of the final three teams. David & Mary: (Team Number 5) Well I’ll give our couple from Kentucky credit, they do not give up. This was a tough episode in terms of the physical requirements of the tasks, and these two squawked a bit through it all, but never slowed down. Mary does seem to be a trooper, even with the sore ankle. And David is like this unwavering force that just pushes through whatever it is… no matter what. I like that stubborn refusal to give up. I actually respect it. Keep on comin’ guys… I’m starting to become a fan again. Lyn & Karlyn: (Team Number 6) I thought these two were going to be dashed against the rocks before they could row back from their task. I think the sheer physical nature of this season’s challenges are wearing them down, but in this case they’ve stopped with a lot of the sniping about other teams, and are turning what energy they have towards their tasks instead. I still think they are probably outmatched for the long run, but their finish tonight showed a lot of heart and perseverance. Dustin & Kandice: (Team Number 7) The Beauties finally turned on each other! It was minor, barely even a tiff… but even so this is the first time they have been anything but a united front. They were in the back of the pack, and that stress may have just been too much. But even so, this is not the point you want to start pulling away from each other… this is when the teams need to be tighter than ever to make it through the last half of the race. Let’s assume it was physical exhaustion and stress that made them bristle at each other, and see if they’re back on their game next week.

A Dong, By Any Other Name...

We join our teams near the rice fields found in the countryside outside of Hanoi, Vietnam. After checking in last time, we are told that Rob (of Rob and Kimberly fame) collapsed after the last check in, and had to be treated for heat exhaustion. He must have been too busy nipping at Kimberly to remember to drink any fluids. We are also told that Mary, the little Missus from the Kentucky team, also had to be looked at due to the twisted ankle she suffered a couple episodes back. But good news, folks! Everyone is going to be okay. The little troopers have all been cleared to continue on in the next leg of the race. First off are Er/Godwin. They tear into their clue, and find they must return to downtown Hanoi by taxi, and find a garden where they must listen to find their next clue. But first, they must pick up some Vietnamese dong for this leg of the race from a man outside. Yes, in this case it is a good thing to get dong from some guy outside. This will not always be the case, so depending where you are… make sure you completely understand what is to be expected if some guy asks you to go outside with him so he can give you his dong. But here, in Vietnam, on the Amazing Race… no worries. Er/God get their dong and go. Tyler and James take off next, grab the guy’s dong, and get a taxi. Then they compare dongs, and see who has more. Rob and Kimberly are next. Rob is still a bit woozy from the heat exhaustion, but he grabs the guy’s dong while Kimberly watches. The Beauties race up to grab their share of the guy’s dong, and giggle as they go to find a taxi. We see Stupid Peter and Sarah take off, and load their stuff in a Taxi. In a voiceover, Sarah is trying to diplomatically tell us that she’s learned a lot about Stupid Peter during this experience that she didn’t realize before… mainly that he’s an ass. We didn’t see them stop at the table outside, but then we see a shot of Stupid Peter in the back of the taxi, fondling the guy’s dong… so we know they must have. Kar/Lyn are very polite to they guy, and thank him for sharing his dong with them. He smiles back at them, happy that he could give them what they needed. David and Mary reach out for the guy’s dong and give him a “thunk yooooou” in unison before heading on their way. Last to leave is Tom & Jerry, and they grab each other excitedly when they find out they’re getting’ themselves some genuine Vietnamese dong. They scramble to the table, grab the guy’s dong, thank him profusely, and then race off. And so ends my fun with the ridiculous name for Vietnamese currency. Tyler and James are the first to arrive at the garden, and discover a large bronze statue from which a recorded message can be heard. They tear off towards the statue, as other teams begin arriving left and right. Stupid Peter and Sarah arrive, and Stupid Peter immediately snaps at Sarah to be quiet so he can listen for the clue. Then Rob and Kimberly arrive, and Kimberly immediately snaps and Rob to calm down when he tries to see which way Stupid Peter and Sarah went. Then the Beauties arrive, and get distracted when they hear some crickets. They wander over to get a better listen and try and decipher what the crickets are trying to tell them. The Beauties are not doing much to disprove the “pretty but stupid” stereotype that they are concerned they’ve been branded with. Ed/God and Kar/Lyn arrive as well, and seem to head toward the statue without incident. The Beauties finally give up on the crickets, and follow the rest of the team to the statue where they are all treated to this wonderful message, spoken with a heavy Asian accent: Attention racers. Taxi across the Red River to Ben Xe Giam Lam (sounds like: Ben Sare Sha Lam). Then, take a bus to Ben Xe Bai Chay (sounds like: Ben Sare Buy Chai). Then find the Hydrofoil Harbor. Wow! The TAR producers are having fun with these teams this season, huh? It is close to impossible for any of these teams to distinguish what is being said. They try of course, and all whip out a pad of paper and start trying to write down what they think this clue is… but as soon as the names of the locations come across, they all look beyond confused and without hope. Stupid Peter of course commands, “Sarah, write it down and get us there!” And then he continues to make stupid reaction noises as the message continues, making it even more difficult for Sarah to hear over his grunts and snorts. They all jot down the clue, and then with various levels of certainty, they head back to their taxis to direct them to the next location. The smart teams drag their taxi drivers to the statue, and let them listen firsthand to the clue. In this case the “smart” teams are: Tyler & James, and Stupid Peter & Sarah. The really, really stupid teams don’t communicate the location to their driver, OR let them listen to the clue themselves… but instead tell them to follow the taxi of one of the other teams. In this case, the “really, really stupid” team is: Rob and Kimberly. Almost immediately, of course, several motorbikes get between Rob and Kimberly’s cab, and the one they are following, and they lose sight of them. So Rob swears and Kimberly has a breakdown when they end up stuck in the middle of nowhere with no idea where to tell the cab driver to go. Did you see this coming? I did. So, it’s back to the statue for them, while Rob screams at the taxi driver the entire way. Rob & Kimberly head back, as Tom & Jerry and the Kentuckies arrive at the garden for the first time. Rob has a hissy fit when the taxi finally pulls over the lets them out, and stomps and curses as he grabs their packs out of the back of the taxi a throws some marginal fare at the driver. He clearly blames the driver for the fact that they were too stupid to write down or communicate the location of the clue. The Kentuckies stare at the whole incident, stunned by his behavior. Rob grabs another poor taxi driver, and drags him to the statue to listen to the clue. The Kentuckies bring their driver along as well, and Tom & Jerry are there jotting down the clue also. Rob & Kimberly start off again with taxi driver number 2. Karma is toying with them this evening however, because he begins to disappoint them almost immediately by driving to slow, and taking them in circles. Rob’s hissy fit returns, Kimberly tells him not to freak out… and soon they are both screaming for this new taxi driver to stop and take them back to the garden. This all makes me giggle. Rob again throws some marginal fare at driver number 2, telling him that he was of no help and deserves no more. Then they are in search of lucky driver number 3. Truly, wouldn’t all the taxi drivers in the city be running away in the opposite direction by now? They drag off a third driver, a nicely dressed man who seems to actually understand the directions when he hears them, and they are all off again… hopefully in the right direction this time. In the meantime, the Kentuckies’ driver is having problems of his own, and doesn’t know where to go. In a stunning study in contrasts, the little Missus asks if he would like to return to the garden and listen to the clue again. No screaming. No hissy fits. They patiently wait for the driver to get a better handle on things, and then they take off again. Wow! Mary, I’m going to officially call you by your real name for the rest of the evening, because I was so impressed with your calm polite behavior. Nicely done! The teams that are experiencing fewer issues with their taxi drivers, begin showing up at the next location. It is a bus station, and SURPRISE! It doesn’t open until 5 a.m. So after all of that drama and screaming… Rob and Kimberly finally show up at the location only to discover they have lost no ground, and should have just enjoyed the ride instead of inflicting themselves on taxi drivers all over the city. For their bad behavior, I now Christen them: Rude and Screamberly. The clumping factor strikes again, and all the teams are on one bus together heading to Ha Long. They arrive at the harbor, and then pour off the bus in search of their next clue box. David and Mary are the first to reach it, and they open the clue and discover it is a Road Block, asking, “Who has strong arms and legs?” This time around, one person of each team must use mechanical ascenders to climb 90 feet up a sheer rock. To reach the location of the climb, they all have to take small motorboats out to the island where the rock is. The teams all grab a boat, and head on their way. The Beauties cut in front of Kar/Lyn when grabbing a boat, and get sneered at as a result. Given the fact that this is the second time the Beauties have slipped in front of another team, Karma deals them a blow and the blonde one (whichever) cuts her leg while climbing into the boat. I can’t wait to see what Karma has in store for Stupid Peter. Sadly, we’re going to have to wait for a different episode to find out. Before arriving at the Road Block location, each of the teams decided who would do the task. Since Sarah is very proud of her strong arms and legs in spite of her “physical challenge”, she agreed to do the task before they arrived. But as the boat pulls up and it becomes clear that this is a rock climb requiring lots of leg strength, she begins to worry. Does Stupid Peter step up, and agree to do it instead? Well, of course not. That would take class, and a genuine concern for someone besides himself… something that Stupid Peter does not possess or understand. The first three teams to arrive at the site and begin the climb are Tom & Jerry, David & Mary, and Rude & Screamberly. Terry/Jerry (whatever), David, and Rude begin their climb. Sarah and Supid Peter arrive right after, but must wait until one of the other three teams finish before they can climb. This gives Sarah plenty of time to watch and worry, and hear commentary from the other teams already climbing that it takes a lot of leg strength. The camera zooms in on Sarah’s artificial leg, and then on her face with eyes brimming with tears. Stupid Peter makes himself comfortable, throws a half-hearted “You can do it, you have arm strength,” in Sarah’s general direction, and then finds himself something to drink. Rude gets up and down the cliff, followed soon after by David and Terry/Jerry. Sarah gets ready to start, while Stupid Peter encourages her by squawking, “It’s all in the mind!” as he continues to relax in the boat. Karlyn and Godwin get outfitted as well. The person there to help the climbers is giving direction to Sarah, but once again she has a hard time hearing because Stupid Peter is screeching from the boat, offering her more insincere support while sipping his cool drink. Sarah is finally on her way, but immediately has trouble with her prosthetic leg getting caught in the lines. Godwin gets up and back, while Sarah struggles. Karlyn makes it up and down as well, while Sarah reaches for some source of inner strength to get through. Tyler starts his climb, and passes Sarah in the process. The blonde Beauty (whichever) starts her climb, as Sarah finally makes it to the top, and back down safely. Man… this girl deserves a million already for all of this effort. She also deserves a nice man to take her out to dinner, and to punch Stupid Peter in the jaw. Any takers? Sarah and Stupid Peter are finally on their way to the next location, with the Beauties close behind. The teams have to travel by their little boats to a cave, and search it for their next clue. There they will be told that it’s another Detour, where once again they get to enjoy experiencing tasks that locals must perform everyday for their livelihood. In the first “Over”, they must take a junk to a supply boat, and gather up as small row boat with goods, and deliver them to customers on a little floating village. After delivery, they must return the signed invoices back to the supply boat to get their next clue. In the second task, “Under”, teams must row a small boat out to an oyster farm, and pull up 30 oyster baskets, and then row them back and deliver them to a pearl farm to get their next clue. Rude and Screamberly are the first to get in and out of the cave with their next clue, and start off to the Detour. Being in first place, they are in a good mood for the first time ever, and actually share a kiss. Looks fast folks, this will be the last time that they are nice to each other. They choose “Under” thinking it will require less rowing. HA! Are they in for a surprise! They get into their boat, and start trying to get to the oyster farm. It’s windy, and these old rowboats have a profile that just makes them get pushed around on the water with every little breeze. Let’s just say that Rude and Screamberly have one heck of a time trying to coordinate the rowing, and make any headway against the wind. So of course they begin nipping at each other. As things continue to get worse instead of better… they begin yelling at each other. As their amazing teamwork surprisingly does not help the situation… they begin screaming at each other. They finally make it to the oyster farm, but are so furious at each other it’s like watching a cock fight. (I mean roosters! Get your minds out of the gutter.) As they lean over to retrieve the oyster baskets, the boat almost tips over… and the screaming begins again. These two give me a headache. I wish their boat would flip over and conk them both on the head. Sadly, this does not happen… and through the sheer force of rage, they manage to finish the task and gather all of the baskets and head back to the pearl farm to retrieve their clue. In the meantime, the other teams are arriving at the location for the Detour, and experiencing similar problems while navigating the boat in the wind. Most teams initially choose the “Over” task to deliver goods, but have such a hard time even getting to the location of the task, they switch to “Under” by default. Kar/Lyn are the only team that sticks with the “Over” task, and make their deliveries without too much problem. But when it comes to rowing their boat back to the supply ship, they get tossed around in the rough water like a cork, and almost end up smashed against the rocks. The physically stronger teams like the Models and Ed/Godwin, brute force their way through the task, fighting the wind to get to the oyster farm and grab the baskets. Even Stupid Peter, when given both of the oars, is able to maneuver their boat enough to collect baskets and get on their way, as does David when given the oars for their boat. However, the physically weaker teams, Tom & Jerry and the Beauties, struggle mightily against the wind and the ocean. This season of TAR is kicking the butt of these teams, with challenges that are way beyond the everyday physical. Every single team struggled… but at the end of the day, our two least favorite teams somehow ended up on top. After screaming at each other non-stop, Rude and Screamberly manage to make it to the pit stop first. Obviously Phil had gotten word of their nastiness to each other, because after they arrived he asked them, “Are you treating each other well?” They both look sheepishly on the ground, and then mumble something about being very competitive and getting caught up in the moment. Yeah, whatever… all kinds of horrible crimes can be committed by people “caught up in the moment.” These two need to settle down and get some perspective, or head the heck home. Stupid Peter, after bossing Sarah around all day and appreciating her not at all for the fantastically amazing effort she put forth, managed to row so well through the Detour task that they ended up in second. Man… I wish this guy would just self-destruct, and that Sarah would get that lightning bold of vision to see what a complete jerk this guy is. They can both go home, leave the money to some other team that is way more deserving, and Sarah can begin a life without this horrid person. But no… here they are, team number two. We’ll have to see what Stupid Peter has in store for us next week. And then the two teams that rightfully should be in the top two positions, the Models and Ed/Godwin, check in. Soon after comes David and Mary, carried through the day’s challenges almost exclusively by David’s strength and determination. Kar/Lyn, two very tough mothers (and I mean that in the parenting sense), arrive next. I don’t know how these two did it. They are older and out of shape… but the brought it today! You go mommas! Our final two teams are shown, struggling to finish the Detour tasks. Both have made it through the oyster farm and retrieved their baskets… but now both are struggling and near exhausted with dealing with the rowboats on the rough sea. The Beauties finish the oyster task and deliver the baskets… but along the way the water has sloshed all over their clue, and they can’t make out that they are supposed to row to the junk for a ride back to the pit stop. Instead, they think they are to row directly to the pit stop… so they start randomly rowing around the islands looking for Phil. This is when (say it isn’t so!) they begin snapping at one another, placing blame on who’s fault it was that the clue wasn’t put somewhere safe and got all torn up. Finally, logic takes over, and they decide they must have to go back to the junk… and they struggle against the waves and wind to get there. In the meantime, Tom & Jerry have finished the task at well, but can make no headway against the wind when trying to row back to the junk. Finally, Terry/Jerry jumps in the water, grabs the boat by the rope, and begins swimming towards the junk, dragging the boat behind him. It’s slow, and exhausting, but he finally gets them back to the junk and on their way to the pit stop. Now we are with Phil… waiting anxiously to see who will arrive first. The Beauties? Tom & Jerry? The suspense is awful! The music builds… and it is the Beauties! Still a bit pissy at each other, but arriving in time to claim the last spot. And then finally… looking like two drowned rats, Tom & Jerry arrive. They begin crying before Phil can even say the words. They are the last team to arrive… and are eliminated. These two really worked so hard, I was sad to see them go. This whole episode was upsetting, because the teams that deserved it the least ended up on top… and the ones that worked the hardest and deserved it the most, ended up on the bottom. Amazing Race, you cruel trickster!! What will you have in store for us next?

Standings Before Episode 4

Erwin & Godwin in first place Duke & Lauren eliminated Erwin & Godwin: (Team Number 1)What’s this? The brothers that are taking the time to appreciate the experience, are treating each other nicely, and are giving the people and the locations that they are visiting the respect they deserve… are in first place? Who would have seen that coming? I’ve been giving these guys a hard time because of that crazy water pistol stunt in Episode 1, but I actually found myself kind of liking them in tonight’s leg. They’re working well together, keeping their cool… and at the same time taking a moment here and there to really soak in the once-in-a-lifetime opportunities that this race is handing them. I know a lot of this race is dumb luck, but at least part of it is working well with each other and working well with each new environment they find themselves in, instead of fighting it all. These two are doing great at that… and the other teams should take notice and follow their lead. Tyler & James: (Team Number 2) These two are never far from the front of the pack, and there’s a reason. They are strong, smart, and don’t waste a lot of energy or time on things that aren’t going to help get them ahead. They don’t fight with each other, they don’t fight with other teams, and they don’t lose focus on why they are here. These guys are consistently playing a very strong game, and I think… are the team to beat. Rob & Kimberly: (Team Number 3) This team makes my stomach hurt. They just cannot be nice to each other! They weren’t even that bad this leg, but they can’t stop themselves from nagging and biting at each other. I’m not even quite sure how they did as well as they did this time around. They weren’t left alone with each other very much, and maybe that’s why they didn’t fight as much… they didn’t want to look bad when people were around to see them. (Uh, hello… you’re on national television! We’re seeing all the good/bad/ugly regardless.) But look what happened when they didn’t waste so much energy on squawking at each other… they came in third! Too bad we can see what all this bickering is costing them, but they can’t. Based on next week’s preview however, they’re back at each other’s throats. Get your TiVo ready! Dustin & Kandice: (Team Number 4) So, the Beauties aren’t going to win the Miss Congeniality titles… so what. It’s a race. They saw an advantage at the travel agent, and they took it. They weren’t mean, they weren’t rude… they just stepped up to an empty counter. Get over it, Tom & Jerry! I’m sure if they had it to do over again though, they wouldn’t have stepped on T&T's toes… it didn’t actually gain them anything since they all ended up on the same plane, and now no one else wants to help them. Well girls, you wanted to do this all on your own to prove something, now you will certainly be given that opportunity! Show us what you’ve got. Peter & Sarah: (Team Number 5) Another team that makes my stomach hurt, just because Stupid Peter is so icky. He was lovin’ it when all the local ladies were fawning over him at the flower market.., but he couldn’t possibly pay any less attention to his girlfriend when she’s getting stuck in the mud while trying to make her way to the pit stop. I just can’t root for this team to win, because all Stupid Peter needs is another reason to think he’s a god. This team has become less about Sarah making it in spite of her physical limitations, and more about her making it in spite of her stupid, overbearing, self-centered, smarmy boyfriend. That’s just my opinion, of course. Lyn & Karlyn: (Team Number 6) Well, these ladies are still hanging in, I’ll give them credit for that. As they mentioned, this race is not an easy thing, and they’ve come farther than I originally thought they would. I still don’t give them a snowball’s chance in hell of winning this thing… but they officially have made a good enough showing that their kids should be very proud of them. And you know, it’s not over till it’s over… so they may end up surprising me. Or they may end up whining and complaining and getting booted out next week… there’s always a chance of that too. David & Mary: (Team Number 7) Poor David… this entire leg he was trying to take in the enormity of what it must have been like for his dad to be in Vietnam during the war, and all he could hear was his wife henpecking him to death over every little thing. They may balance each other perfectly back home, but on this adventure she’s a bit hard to take. I don’t know how badly she actually sprained her ankle, given that I never actually saw her limp and we only heard about it when she was actually expected to do something. But my goodness… David has the patience of Job to just keep his head down and keep at whatever they’re working on while she goes off on yet another tirade. They do make good TV though, so I hope they stick around for a while! Tom & Terry: (Team Number 8) These two almost dissolved into a little puddle of stressed-out goo waiting for their 30 minute “time out” to expire at the pit stop. That’s what you get for breaking the rules, boys! They didn’t mean to, of course… but accepting that little motorbike ride just about bought them a one-way ticket home. I’m personally glad it didn’t, because these two are fun to watch. They seem to get distracted easily though… so I don’t think they’ll make it to the final three.

The Zen of Basket Weaving Will Get You Nowhere

It’s that time again. The teams are off on yet another leg of the exciting and unpredictable Amazing Race. Our teams depart Outer Mongolia for… Hanoi, Vietnam! Sarah and Stupid Peter are off first, happy for a lead because of their slower pace due to Sarah’s blown out knee (and Peter’s uselessness). They are followed shortly by Tyler and James, who are doing well and happy about it. Next out of the gate are Duke and Lauren. Duke notices that there are several girls on the streets of Mongolia walking arm and arm. He asks his gay daughter, “Do you think they’re just friends, or what?” Uhhh… is this some pitiful attempt to appear more open and aware of gay culture? Or does he truly think there is such a thing as gaydar, and that his daughter will be able to sense who is in the sisterhood just by glancing at them through the window of a speeding car? I don’t know… just another awkward moment brought to us by Duke. Tom and Jerry are off next. (Yes, I know it’s Terry… but they do remind me a bit of a couple cartoon characters running around with their heads cut off. Plus who of you out there doesn’t think Tom & Jerry when you see Tom & Terry? …Thought so.) Once again they tell us how stressful it is to have to make decisions together. Why does this come up? Do they not spend any time together and decide things back in the states? Do they hire other people to make decisions for them? Whatever… each team must have their unique stress, this is theirs. The Beauties take off without incident. Rob and Kimberly take off next. Immediately we hear Kimberly telling Rob not to run over a dog that is standing at least 500 feet away on the side of the road, and is in no danger of getting hit by any car, let alone the one that Rob is driving. Rob growls back, she whines in response… and then they discover they went the wrong way and are headed exactly opposite of the direction they needed to go. Another great start for these two. Then our friends Kentucky 1 and Kentucky 2 take off. David is driving, and starts to tell us how he began tearing up as soon as he found out that they were heading to Vietnam. His father was in the service, and served in Vietnam. David is just beginning to tell us how difficult it was for his dad to talk about it, when there is suddenly screeching from the backseat, “Everybody is passin’ you!” This little woman starts in on him, ripping him again for whatever isn’t pleasing her at the moment. There is no more story about dad… just a whole bunch of southern squabbling. *sigh* By contrast, Erwin and Godwin leave, and seem unconcerned about where they are in the pack. Erwin (or Godwin, whichever) tells us that he feels as if they’ve already won… simply because of all the wonderful places they’ve been able to visit, and all the experiences that they’ve been able to share as brothers, and the fact that they are being able to do something that most people will never have to opportunity to do. Nicely done, boys! And last to leave are Kar/Lyn. They hump their stuff out to the car, and grumble that although they’d love a million dollars, that this race is not glamorous, a lot of work, and very painful. Hey ladies, take a page out of Er/Godwin’s book. Take a look around you, because you’re smack dab in the middle of an amazing opportunity, and you’ll never see sights like this again in your entire life. So one by one, they all start showing up at the Ghingis Kahn hotel where they have been sent to buy airplane tickets from a travel agency inside. The agency doesn’t open until 9 a.m., so the bunching begins as they await the doors opening. They all agree to form a line, and at 9 they are able to proceed inside to where four travel agents are waiting to help them. Now Tom & Jerry are the forth team in line, but for some goofy reason… when they get inside, instead of going to the last remaining open travel agent, they walk right past her an push deeper into the room. Well, the Beauties, the fifth team in line, see the open spot that Tom & Jerry have passed up, and move on in to start getting their tickets. A hissy fit ensues. Tom and Jerry cannot believe that the Beauties would do such a thing. They’re whining and crying about how they cut in line, how it’s not fair, and how they’ll never win a beauty pageant of kindness. (A what???) The Beauties start squabbling back, telling them that they had their chance, they didn’t do anything wrong, and to calm the hell down. One of the beauties calls one of the gays the wrong name, and he just about has a stroke. This makes me laugh, because the Blondies are the most interchangeable team out there, and THEY can’t tell anyone apart either. This is why simple folk like me just gives them a group name so I don’t have to try and tell them apart anymore. The bitching continues. They are so loud and obnoxious that even the Kentuckies are commenting on the screeching. I just start to giggle, because the irony in this show is priceless. Plus, what is the big deal here anyway. The Beauties didn’t knock these guys down… they didn’t cheat or squeeze them out. Tom & Jerry passed on an open agent and walked on by. That’s their problem. Plus… they’re all on the same plane anyway, so what is the drama? All it did was cause tension between these two teams for no reason… but I’m not complaining because that’s better TV for us! So once again it’s a big group road trip, with everyone arriving together in Hanoi. The teams scramble for cabs. Duke and Lauren think that they’ve done a smart thing by getting to know one of the locals on the plane, and getting her to agree to help them get to their next location. What they don’t realize is that this is the most opportunistic local ever. She agrees to help them, but first makes them wait around for her as she trots off to find her luggage. Lauren starts to freak out because precious time is being wasted. Poor Lauren, what she doesn’t realize is that this is first of many bad turn of events for them. In the meantime, Kar/Lyn grab a minivan cab… and offer to let The Kentuckies share the ride. However, it soon becomes clear that there isn’t enough room for all their luggage (and the extra cameramen) to fit in one taxi, so they end up having to find separate rides. Kar/Lyn feel bad, they think The Kentuckies are sweet people… and being helpful southern folk, Kar/Lyn just wanted to help them out. Waitaminute… weren’t these the two that sped by the Models when they were broken down by the side of the road last week, only slowing down enough to spew venom at them before racing on their way? Aren’t these the two that have been bitching non-stop about one-legged Sarah? Can someone please define Southern hospitality a little bit better for me, because I’m confused. The other teams continue to pour into cabs as Duke and Lauren continue to wait on the friendly, happy-to-help, “I’ll promise anything for a free cab ride” local. Duke finally goes to find her, and discovers her patiently waiting for him to help her with her luggage. Duke is still very proud of himself, thinking he’s made the strategic move of the century by securing a local tour guide… not realizing that there aren’t a whole lot of other tourist destinations in Hanoi other than the prison they’re headed to. Any cabdriver in the city is going to know exactly where to take them, because what the hell else would an American be going to see? But Duke is still certain they’ve done the right thing… right until he realizes his helpful local has instructed the cab driver to first drop her off at her brother’s on the other side of town, and then take the ignorant Americans to see the prison. For the first time, Duke looks at his available cash. The teams were given no money at the start of this leg, and this team is down to eleven dollars. Duke asks the local if that will be enough to pay the cab driver once he’s driven first to the brother’s house, and then to the prison. She laughs heartily, and says no… the fee will be about twice that. Lauren fumes. The other teams, who are taking a more direct route, all get stopped in traffic when they come across a turned over truck in the road. For no reason I can guess, the Beauties who are the first on the scene, hop out of their taxi to get a closer look. Not surprisingly, the rest of the teams stay in their cabs, and when traffic begins moving a moment later… one by one they start passing the Beauties, as the two blondes start bolting back to their waiting taxi. In true Amazing Race form however, none of the drama means a thing… because all the teams arrive at the “Hanoi Hilton” only to discover that it doesn’t open until 8:00 the next morning. Even Duke and Lauren finally arrive, and their taxi driver reluctantly accepts what little money they have without incident. It may have been the fact that there were cameras on him the entire time, but the driver makes no fuss about the fact that the fare isn’t being paid in full… and once again all that drama and buildup, results in a non-issue. Since none of the teams have any money, they all get comfortable and spend the night on the sidewalk outside of the prison. The next morning, all of the teams are given instructions to search the prison for a display of Sen. John McCain’s flight suit. Senator McCain was on of hundreds of American servicemen that was held here, and they must find where his items are displayed to receive their next clue. The teams take off in all different directions, crossing paths frequently as the look for the correct room. At one point the Beauties ask Tom & Jerry if they’ve found anything, and they don’t respond… still miffed at the girls “cutting” in line in front of them at the travel agency. Finally, the teams almost simultaneously stumble on the right room, and crowd towards the person there that is handing out the envelopes. Stupid Peter tries to reach in front of teams again and again, trying to grab the clue out of their hands instead of just waiting the additional 7 seconds for his turn. Finally the clue-master hands a clue to Sarah, ignoring Peter and his butthead ways entirely. Erwin and Godwin are the last to get a clue, and are also the only ones to genuinely take a moment to reflect on where they are and the significance of it all. Then they step outside and open their clue along with the others. The Clue sends the team to Hanoi’s “Old Quarter”, to find a flower shop and their next clue. All the teams grab a taxi, except for Duke and Lauren that are out of money after giving it all away to their driver from the night before. They have to walk the couple miles or so on foot. Tom & Jerry are the first to arrive and discover a Road Block, where one of the team members must choose a bike with a flower basket on the back. They then have to sell enough flowers to the locals to earn 80,000 dong… or about five U.S. dollars. Most teams have more difficulty riding the bikes than selling the flowers, tipping over and spilling flowers left and right. For some insane reason, the locals snap flowers up from Stupid Peter… his tall stature and blonde hair getting their attention. Ladies, if you spent more than five minutes with him, you would be throwing flowers in his face… trust me. Soon all teams have arrived, even penniless Duke and Lauren. Everyone is selling flowers with various levels of success. Stupid Peter and Sarah finish first, thanks to Peter’s international fans. Their clue tells them they must catch a local bus to Vac Village. Stupid Peter authoritatively tells Sarah they need to make sure they get on the right bus. Then, to the utter joy of myself and other TAR fans around the country, they immediately get on the wrong bus. Hooray! Karma is our friend. Soon the crowd swarms around the flower market, and the teams are quickly on their way to getting rid of their flowers and getting their clues. Godwin and Erwin get their clue, find the bus station, and are on their way to Vac. Soon after, Tom & Jerry follow, getting on a separate bus of their own. The rest of the teams start finishing up, and one by one begin wandering aimlessly for the bus station. By this time, Smug Stupid Peter has discovered that they are one the wrong bus, and he and Sarah have jumped off and are left waiting at a bus station for the correct bus to come along. The aimlessly wandering teams start to find each other, even though they can’t find the bus station. Finally, the swarm of remaining teams stumbles across the bus station they have been looking for, and all board a bus for Vac. Erwin and Godwin are the first to arrive in Vac. As they get off the bus, they begin looking around for the location of their next task. Locals on motorbikes offer to give them a ride, but because of safety concerns, the teams are told that they cannot operate or accept rides on these bikes. They get pointed in the right direction however, and start walking on their way. Tom & Jerry’s bus arrives next. They too are offered rides by the locals… and suffering some kind of brain fart, they accept. They crawl on the back of the bikes of two locals, and zoom away. Meanwhile, Sarah and Stupid Peter are finally picked up by the right bus, and are on their way. Erwin and Godwin find the clue box in the middle of a courtyard, and they navigate through a dancing dragon to retrieve their next clue. It’s a detour, and they must choose Fuel or Fowl. In Fuel, they must use wet coal and manual presses to make 30 coal bricks. In Fowl, they must build a birdcage. Erwin and Godwin decide to get dirty, and head towards the coal. The locals are entertained as they learn the ropes of brick making. Tom & Jerry arrive on the back of their illegal motorbikes, and retrieve their clue as well. They also decide to get dirty, and head for the coal task. The rest of the teams, except for Sarah and Stupid Peter, arrive and Vac and walk to the location of the clue box. They all decide on Fuel, and start making their way to location of the task. In the meantime, Erwin and Godwin have finished their task, and head for the pit stop in a rice field. At that moment Sarah and Stupid Peter have finally arrived in Vac. Stupid Peter starts jogging to try and make up time, and immediately comments back to his one-legged girlfriend with the blown-out hydraulic knee, “You’re moving kinda slow.” You know what? F**k you, Stupid Peter. Sarah doesn’t say it, but you know she’s thinking it too. The rest of the teams are once again wandering aimlessly, this time looking for the location of the Fuel task. Duke and Lauren once again stop to ask for help from a local, and only succeed in losing sight of all the other teams. Did they learn nothing from the “helpful” local in the airport? The rest of the wandering teams finally find the Fuel task and set to work. Tom & Jerry complete all their bricks, and tear off towards the pit stop. Duke and Lauren wander so far of course, they actually stumble on the location of the Fowl task… and deciding to take it as a sign, they sit down and start building a birdcage. Sarah and her dumbass thoughtless boyfriend find the clue box, and head off to the Fuel task. The teams already there are slamming out coal brinks like crazy. By this time, Tom & Jerry have found the Pit Stop, and are thrilled to discover they are the second team to arrive. However, Phil raises an eyebrow, and tells them they are very bad boys… and because they illegally accepted rides on the back of the motorbikes, they must step off the mat and suffer a 30-minute penalty before they can check in. Tom & Jerry just about pee their pants, and begin to wail and lament as they shuffle off to time-out to serve out their time. Back at the coalmine, Tyler and James finish their bricks and run to check-in at the Pit Stop. They become team number 2. Tom & Jerry whimper. Soon they are followed by Rob and Kimberly, and then Kandice and Dustin. Tom & Jerry’s whining gets louder and more sorrowful as the other two teams check in. Sarah and Stupid Peter that made up great time while brick making, head off to the Pit Stop as well. In yet another horrifying example of just how big of an ass Peter is, Peter runs out through the rice field to the pit stop, and leaves Sarah to struggle through the soft, wet, terrain on her own. Sarah has to get down on her hands and knees, and actually crawl to make progress through the mud. Stupid Peter doesn’t even turn around to check on her, let alone offer help or support. I hate this guy. Sarah and Stupid Peter check in as team number 5, although Stupid Peter doesn’t deserve it. Kar/Lyn and the Kentuckies finish their coal bricks, and head towards the Pit Stop. Mary starts complaining about her ankle, that she twisted on the way towards the last Pit Stop, and has a hard time negotiating the rice field. Again, Kar/Lyn offer to help and assist them towards the Pit Stop. These two must be trying to make up for their selfish ways in earlier legs. Mary tells them not to worry about it, and tells them to go check in. They do, and become team number 6. Tom & Jerry start to sob. David and Mary finally make it to the Pit Stop, and become team number 7. Tom & Jerry try to console one another. In the meantime… Duke and Lauren are off making a birdcage. Duke seems to enjoy the quiet solitude of the task. Lauren is stressing out like crazy, but trying not to show it. They follow the example, and create a birdcage that meets spec… and get their next clue. They race towards the pit stop. Phil makes a big deal of looking on the horizon for Duke and Lauren, while Tom & Jerry whimper and cry in time out next to him. Finally, their time has passed… and they are allowed to check in. They become team number 8. Duke and Lauren, after getting lost yet again, finally find their way to the Pit Stop. After one wrong turn and bad decision after another… they just were doomed to be the last team to arrive. Solemnly, Phil informs them that they have been eliminated. In their exit interview, Duke tells us that he’s learned so much about his daughter, and are happy for all that participating in the race has given them. They’ve learned a lot from each other, and he has determined that whatever will make her happy, will make him happy. All together now… “Awwwwww!”